Yulianna Yussef

It was not my choice or desire to be born with CMN. But I have a choice of how to react to it and how to live my life

I would like to tell you about how I actually physically feel and give you some more information about birthmarks. To start with the hair. They are a very big and annoying topic for anyone who has many CMN, especially a giant one. My back is actually fluffy. I can’t do anything about it, and even more annoyingly, the hairs on the birthmarks all over my body are thicker and denser than around the normal skin. I can’t wax or shave them, I could only cut them! For those who are interested: I do wax around the birthmark and that is my own personal risk. I wouldn’t recommend anyone to follow my example. Next, the itching is so bad that it just drives me crazy! Sometimes I literally want to scratch my skin off, waking up at night because I can’t control myself. Scratching causes the birthmark to swell and forces me to get up and put a cold compress on it. There is no solution besides growing up and learning how to control myself. It’s a part of our “difference” and we should learn to live with this. Then there is the risk of melanoma. Skin cancer. Anyone could develop skin cancer because of one birthmark. But we have hundreds of them!

I get a lot of questions like how I learned to love myself, how I’m not afraid to show myself, or why didn’t I have surgery. When I was already 8 years old my mother searched for possibilities of operations. More than 12 operations would be needed for my back, something we were not financing. However, I’m not upset about it. I have accepted myself the way I am. What would you do in a situation where you cannot influence or change it in any way? It was not my choice or desire to be born with CMN. But I have a choice of how to react to it and how to live my life: in fear, hiding and feeling sorry for myself, or living and enjoying life, loving my body, traveling, enjoying the sun, etc. I believe in karma and this is my lesson in this life. If you are unsure of yourself and do not like yourself, then others feel it and then they start to scoff at you. Love yourself, take care of yourself. Smile and the world will smile back at you!

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